


Wishful Thinking

by Thuri



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Platonic Logicality - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-10-30 16:43:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17832308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thuri/pseuds/Thuri
Summary: Sometimes Patton wishes it could all be real





	Wishful Thinking

“Do you ever wish all that was real?”

Logan looked up from his book at Patton’s words. His voice sounded…odd. Both soft and longing. Almost…wistful. Yes, that fit best. Not that Logan could see any reason for it, Patton appeared to be staring at his laptop. “That what was real?” he asked, wondering vaguely if he was about to be drawn into another debate on how  _Spongebob_ was a completely plausible premise.

(It was not.)

But when Patton turned the laptop toward him, it was not a movie or cartoon on the screen. Instead, it was Thomas’s YouTube channel, and the video was a Vine compilation, now more than a year old. It was paused on Thomas, dressed as Patton, watching TV with his niece and nephew–the children who played Patton’s supposed children. “This! This whole world! You teaching, me raising those little stinkers…”

“You want to have actual children?” Logan asked carefully, doing his best to modulate his tone. He didn’t want to upset Patton by sounding as incredulous as he felt.

“Don’t you want to actually go out and teach?” Patton asked instead of giving a straight answer. “Stand at the front of a classroom, all those kids looking up at you, ready to learn…”

Logan would admit–silently–that the idea sounded much more than satisfactory. The fact that Thomas had never pursued his doctorate, had instead switched the focus of his life from science to entertainment, had effectively ended Logan’s chances to be in front of a classroom. At least a classroom that wasn’t full of drama students helping with a Vine. But it was what it was, and he would never give Roman the satisfaction of admitting the prince had won. “I have ample opportunity to assert myself in Thomas’s life, Patton, I don’t need to reflect on the impossible.”

“I knew you missed it,” Patton said, as if Logan had spoken his thoughts instead. He looked down at the laptop again and sighed. “And Thomas is being a good, smart kid and taking his time to focus on his career and getting things together for himself; he doesn’t need to be worrying about kids of his own yet.”

Logan set his book aside. Patton’s tone was no longer wistful, but actually sad. Perhaps Thomas’s visit to his brother’s had not been as positive as Logan had first assumed, not if it was causing Patton pain. “Patton…are you alright?”

“I’ve been better,” Patton admitted, sniffling softly and sliding closer to Logan, fitting himself in against Logan’s side as Logan wrapped an arm around him. “Thomas is doing really well, and he has lots of time left. I know. But…”

“But he’s lonely, without the immediate familial ties his siblings have achieved, and it hurts you,” Logan finished for him. His own emotions may have been a distressing fog of confusion, but Logan had spent years analyzing the others. And he could read Patton’s mood easily enough, now that he wasn’t trying to hide it.

“Yeah,” Patton sniffled again, resting his head on Logan’s shoulder. “Lo…what if he  _doesn’t_  find someone? What if he  _never_  has his own family?”

“He will still have  _family_ ,” Logan countered gently, stroking Patton’s hair. “Both those to whom he is related by blood, and those in his group of friends. If he is never a father, he will still be an uncle. If he never marries, he will still be cared for. It might not be all he planned, but Thomas’s plans for his life have already changed drastically, and for the better so far as his heart has been concerned. Or so I’ve been told.”

Patton chuckled wetly. “Using my own words against me, huh?” he asked, pressing in closer. “I know you’re right, but…”

“I’ve also been told that there’s no shame in being sad,” Logan said delicately as he rubbed Patton’s arm. Patton had, over the last few months, been more willing to express negative emotions in front of him, as well as his usual cheerful ones, but Logan was still worried every time that he wouldn’t provide adequate comfort, or that he’d do it badly. And he did not want to get this wrong. “Or in acknowledging those emotions when they arise. Much as all of us might like to keep Thomas from them, it would not be right to deny him the full range and experience of being human, even if some parts of it are not as pleasant as others.”

“Oh…” Patton curled closer against him, his soft sniffles breaking out into quiet sobs. Logan held him, gathering him into his lap, letting Patton cry. It would be good, he knew. Cathartic, and likely to bring peace at the end.

He still wished he could somehow stop it, could somehow keep Patton as cheerful as he’d once pretended always to be. A foolish wish, Logan knew, but one he couldn’t help.

But Patton’s sobs did not last long. They slowed, then stopped, until Patton lay quietly in his arms, one hand gently playing with Logan’s tie. “Thank you.”

“I’ve done little enough to require gratitude,” Logan replied, pressing a soft kiss against Patton’s forehead. “Merely stated the truth.”

“I know.” Patton smiled up at him, his face tear-streaked, his eyes red. Yet he looked beautiful. “That’s a lot. I love you, Logan.”

Logan felt his cheeks flash hot, Patton’s easy affection somehow even more disconcerting with him so close. How could he so freely admit his feelings? “I…you know that I…”

“Of course I do,” Patton assured him, leaning up to kiss Logan’s cheek. “Okay. I’m still sad, but you’re right. Thomas’s friends love him, his brothers love him, his parents love him. And there’ll be lots of kiddos to look after, even if they’re not  _ours_.”

“Precisely,” Logan agreed, giving Patton a gentle squeeze, grateful Patton understood his feelings, even if Logan often didn’t. “And I am always available to remind you of those facts, if you need to hear them. Or to provide physical comfort and reassurance, if you prefer.”

“Both is good,” Patton said, squirming a bit in Logan’s lap before relaxing against him, his body a warm, pliant weight. “Can I stay here? For now?”

“Of course.” Logan pressed another soft kiss against Patton’s forehead. “Shall we watch more of Thomas? Or something else?”

Patton reached for the laptop, settling it in his own lap where they both could see. “Something else,” he said, pulling up Netflix.

By the time The Magic School Bus had shrunk down and headed into Ralphie’s flu infested body, Patton was snoring softly. But Logan made no move to turn off the show, or to release Patton. So long as Patton trusted him to look after him, Logan would do his best to get it right.

Sometimes, it was enough.


End file.
